The Journey of 100lbs

Week 1 in Hawai'i

2011-11-09T12:56:00.000-08:00

Thank for all of your encouragement and comments! I've been in Hawaii for a few days now and my sister will be leaving soon. For the first two weeks of my diet, I was really good and I was rewarded for that by loosing 5 lbs. Then Halloween came around and suddenly I was bombarded with sugar. I broke. Not wildly, but enough to get me reacquainted with the sugar fiend. I realize now just how tricky parties are going to be. My friends eat on a budget, which means a lot of preservatives and junk food. I don't want my diet to be that apparent. It makes me uncomfortable even thinking about people knowing I'm dieting. I put out such an air of accepting myself that my friends my be very surprised to discover just how unhappy I am with my weight. I've basically stopped considering having a relationship. I'm in Hawaii and I didn't bring a bathing suit for fear of someone seeing my dimply thighs and stretch marks. I just want to fast forward a year and like how I look again.

Anyway, my brother-in-law and sister eat really well because they don't have a microwave and they only eat environmentally friendly food (both environmentalists). Shalan (BIL) loves to cook so he's been making delicious stir fries for dinner. For breakfast, I have fresh eggs (have to collect them from the coup) with a little cheese. I have lunch at the office which is usually leftovers. The trouble is the time in between meals. I'm supposed to eat something protein rich ever three hours and my sister doesn't really have "snack food." We're driving to Hilo tomorrow to go to Costco and I've really got to be smart about what I buy. I also need to look at scales since mine was too heavy to carry. Hopefully I can find a cheap one!

I'm really looking forward to living alone. It's not that I don't love my sister and her husband - it's just that they drain me of energy. My sister is extremely extroverted. She wants to be with you everyday, all day and that means I'm running on the alone time I can gather from 9pm-6:30am. That's not a lot to go on. There's no one for miles so I'm looking forward to wearing the things I'd never wear in public. Maybe I'll even get a tan.

I was really happy with my loosing 5 lbs in 2 weeks, even if with a little cheating. I'm actually looking forward to getting back on track and hiking a little. I think I'll bring my camera as an incentive to keep going. I don't know my weight at the moment but I don't think I've gained anything in a week. So for now my assumption is that I'm 253-255lbs. I'll try to be better about posting! Good luck to you all!

Starting points.

2011-10-19T00:02:00.000-07:00

I debated not adding photos but I think I will want them in a few months to see the difference in my body. The quality of these photos is really bothering me but I'm too tired to do anything else to them. Sorry!

Today I started Phentermine again. The last time I lost a lot of weight (started in 2008, lost 60lbs, ended up at 175lbs) I used Phen. True, I gained it all back with a vengeance but this time I am committed to making a permanent change. My doctor gave me a lot of uphill about getting the pills again. I had to have my blood pressure taken and an EKG. Since she's running a weight loss clinic now, she is pushing her products more. I understand why - she thinks it works and it ultimately costs a lot more. However, I know myself and I know that eating prepackaged foods will not work for me. I've done it before and it won't give me a lasting change. I need something that is going to change my relationship with food...which is why starting tomorrow I'm on the Eat Clean Diet.

I first started gaining weight when I moved to the US. The over-saturation of sugar and carbohydrates was a shock to my system. Somehow, even if I'm eating a very low amount of calories, my diets always get screwed up. I believe sugar is the culprit. Not just refined sugars but fake sugars, like splenda, as well. You'd be surprised how many things actually have sugar in them. My mother recently started eating clean and I haven't seen her looking so slim and healthy since I was a kid. Clearly, as evidenced by my photos, I need a little slimming!

In the last year, I've been gaining weight in my middle, which never happened to me before. This puts me at risk for heart disease (not something I should be worrying about at 23). It's made finding clothes more difficult. Even when I'm of average weight, I'm very curvy. My waist is about 10 inches smaller than my hips and chest. Usually, my hips and chest are equal. Obviously, that's no longer true. I really hadn't realized how HUGE my hips were until I saw these photos. So now there's an added health reason to lose the weight. Eating Clean supposedly targets belly weight especially, helping you lose stubborn lbs.

Anyway, long story short - my doctor would only prescribe me 60 individual 15mg pills. This is generally a 1 month supply. However, I'm going to try and be crafty and only take one 15mg a day, therefore getting 2 months out of it. She said if I were staying in the area she could give me more next month but as it stands, she can't prescribe 2 months of pills when she isn't physically seeing me. So here is the plan - take one 15mg of phen a day for 2 months, eating healthy and clean. This should be made easier by the fact that I'm shopping for myself and I'm living in a farming community. I also have an ample backyard/mountain to explore and get some exercise daily. In 2 months, when I return for Christmas with my family, I hope to be 20 lbs lighter! The thought of walking through the door at 240lbs instead of 260lbs is what is getting me through. More than that, the idea of being 100lbs lighter by next year is seriously exciting. I think the first thing I'll do when I reach my goal weight is buy a skirt that actually shows my legs!

The First Step

2011-10-18T19:10:00.000-07:00

I am 23 years old. I always thought if you were anything over 21, you'd have everything figured out. Your life would just sort of fall together and a job, a marriage and a baby would come naturally. Well, it's been two years since I turned 21 and I have nothing figured out. I got my degree in journalism five months ago and due to an tough job market and four unpaid internships, I'm living at home. I love my family, absolutely adore them – still it's hard living at home after four years of independence. But, as always, there is a light in the horizon. My proverbial sunrise is that next month I'm moving to Hawaii for two months to house-sit for my sister. It'll be my first time really living alone and will give me the perfect opportunity to do something I've been putting off – loosing the weight that is acting like a noose over my life.

I decided to write a blog to chronicle my descent into healthy, as well as find a community of like minded individuals struggling with the same issues. Hopefully, I find that here.

I've heard it's a good idea to make a detailed list of why you want to loose the weight. Supposedly, it will keep you motivated. I'm going to be as brutally honest as I can be, so forgive me as I delve into the most shallow parts of myself. So here we go:

I want to wear what I want and not worry how I look in it.
I want to wear shorts again.
I want to go swimming without wearing something that covers everything but my arms and legs.
I want my ex to see me and even for a moment, want me back.
I want to fall in love and not be too preoccupied with how much I weight to throw myself head over heels.
I want to run towards my partner and not fear that I will squash him.
I want to comfortably fit in a airplane seat again.
I want to run without feeling everything jiggle.
I want to like how I look in pictures.
I want, for once, not to be the fattest person in my family.
I want my family to be proud of me.
I want to show myself I'm strong enough.
I want to fulfill the plans God has for me.
I want to look in the mirror and see the Me I am in my head.
I want to see how good I can look at my prime.
I want to play soccer again and not shy away from physical activity.
I want to be healthy and strong.

My goals

Today, I weigh 260lbs (shocking!) I have given myself a lenient year to lose 100 pounds, then 4 months to lose the last 20. I've used holidays for dates. My goal dates are as follows.

Christmas - December 25^th – 240 (20lbs loss)

Valentines - February 14^th - 223 (17 lbs loss)

Easter - April 8^th – 206 (17 lbs loss) (54lbs total)

Independence - July 4^th - 182 (24lbs loss)

24^th Birthday - August 10^th – 174 (8lbs loss)

One Year – October 18^th - 160 (14lbs loss) (100 lbs total)

Thanksgiving - November 22^nd – 155 (5lbs loss)

Christmas – December 25^th – 150 (5lbs loss)

Valentines – February 14^th – 140 (10lbs loss)

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------l Weight to lose: 130lbs Duration 1 year, 4 months